ToadMama.com – Page 14 – RV Living, General Travel, and a Weird Mix of Other Stuff

January 17, 2020January 17, 2020

Everything is Relative

HI was playing around with a word cloud app this morning and, on a whim, decided to input the URL of my last blog post. This is what I came up with…

I thought it a bit serendipitous that THINK showed up as the biggest word. Because, really, I suspect that thinking is the key to everything.

How do you come up with solutions to problems? You think about the issue at hand.

How do you learn to understand other people’s feelings? Think about what it must be like to be in their shoes. By that, I mean you need to think not only about how they actually see things through their eyes, but how they perceive things with their brain. What is their perspective? Why do they do what they do, when/how they do it? Why do they see things so differently than you do? Why can’t they see or feel the things you feel? Why don’t they care about the “why” of things like you do?

That’s a lot of questions, right?

During my mother-in-law’s (MIL’s) recent visit, I asked a lot of questions. I didn’t just ask her questions, I puzzled over a bunch of stuff in my head, too. There are many things about my family that I have struggled over the years to understand. The more I think about stuff, the better I am able to comprehend things. Not just physical things, either. Ideas. Perspectives. Attitudes, for better or worse.

I may not have arrived at all of the answers, but I am at least better-equipped to form new, perhaps temporary, hypotheses. Some of those are more accurate than others. Some are pretty far-fetched, too.

We, as people, tend to take an awful lot of stuff for granted. We assume people are all basically like ourselves. That we all have the same ability to think, to reason, to comprehend. But we don’t. People are all wired differently. The differences could be physical (brain structure) and/or mental (brain signals). The tricky thing is that we cannot see those differences, so it takes longer to figure out. It requires a little bit of effort, too.

What kind of effort? Thought. It really is as simple as that.

Hubby, Mike, and I have been married for almost 27 years. It’s always been obvious to me that we are very different in a lot of ways, but I have only recently begun to understand just how different.

Here’s a simple example. A month or so ago, out of the blue, he asked me why, when I put the TV remote back on the endtable (where it “belongs”) every night, I lay it upside-down.

“I don’t put it there it upside-down,” I told him. “At least not on purpose.”

I know I can a bit scatter-brained, so adding that “not on purpose” qualifier is important.

I assumed that, by “upside-down,” he meant like this…

Nope, he meant this.

“What makes that upside-down?” I asked.

“The top of the remote should be pointing at the TV, not the other way.”

”Um… why?” I asked. “So, when I want to turn the TV on, I don’t have to pick it up, I just have to reach over and hit the power button. When you put the buttons here, upside-down like this, I have to pick the remote up, turn it around, and then hit the power,” he explained as he demonstrated.

I had to laugh. I mean, I never would have thought about making sure I lay the buttons down so they were pointing at the TV. I’m usually just happy remembering to put them back in the “right” spot.

Really, I would never think that. It’s a good thing we have each other, eh?

January 9, 2020

Lessons Learned

Over the past several years, I have really come to believe there aren’t any coincidences in life. The things we experience are a result of the choices we make. Our choices define our path. Our path determines who we interact with. There will always be setbacks and obstacles to overcome, challenging the heart, body, and/or mind. Lucky for me, most of my challenges have been mental. I have had a few physical ones, too, but even those came with myriad emotions, thoughts, and fears that needed to be dealt with. Figuring out how to handle the various obstacles and detours life throws at us is part of the reason each and every one of us were placed on this Earth in the first place.

Life is all about lessons.

I have learned a lot in recent years, about myself and about the people who surround me. I’ve always known, deep down, that I was put on this Earth for a reason. I have yet to fully figure out what that reason is, but I do think I am on the right path or, at the very least, headed in the right direction.

It hasn’t always been easy. But I have learned from both my mistakes and my successes. One of the year’s most important lessons for me is admitting there are many things over which I have little or no control. Worrying about things to come accomplishes nothing. Harboring negative emotions about past events is just as bad, if not worse.

On the surface, those are very simple truths. But it’s hard not to worry. It can really be difficult to let go of old grudges. To forgive folks for what they have done to you. To stop caring about what other people think and let go of guilt.

Anxiety and depression are simple labels society has put on very complex and personal/individual emotional states. I know a lot of people who deal with anxiety and/or depression. One is almost always associated with the other, and both are usually the result of having experienced some sort of physical or emotional pain.

Which brings me to today’s writing prompt…

WD#3: Where are you still carrying old pain? How can you let it go?

I’m not carrying much old pain. I know how damaging it can be to linger on the past and have learned how to let shit go. Not all of it, but most of it. Some pain is easier to dismiss than others, some harder, and the cleansing process is exhausting.

I think and think and think about stuff all of the time. My mind is always racing. By thinking, I don’t mean puzzling, or carefully considering, or even mulling stuff over. That all sounds far too relaxing. The type of thinking I experience is far more frantic, frenzied, even chaotic. I do not do it intentionally, it just happens. My thoughts are less like a continuous stream of consciousness and more like brief, intermittent, invisible storms.

Processing all of that activity requires a LOT of mental energy. It’s exhausting, really. I know this, but I can’t stop it. That’s just how my brain works. I’m an analyzer. I like to figure weird shit out, usually covertly. In other words, I’m an observer. I take stuff in, consider it from many different angles, until I figure out why things are the way that they are. Why a person acts a certain way. What could have happened to them in the past that makes them do what they do.

We live in a crazy, beautiful, weird, fucked up, magical place. How can I not think about it? Not worrying, mind you, but wondering how things are related. Why did that happen? Why do I act or react a certain way?

The whole process has increased my level of self-awareness tremendously. I now understand more about myself and those around me more than I ever have.

The most important and simultaneously disconcerting thing I have learned is that I can physically feel negative energy. I’m pretty sure I’ve always had that ability, I just never recognized the phenomenon for what it was. Now that I am aware of that ability, which more often than not feels like a curse, I can act and react appropriately.

It sounds crazy, I know. Crazy as in some real wackadoodie kind of shit. So crazy, I hesitate to even admit or try to explain it to others for fear that I’ll be labeled completely insane. But I know it’s real. Knowing it’s real means that when I feel negativity from others, or feel the affect my own negative thoughts, emotions, and memories have on my body, I can act accordingly.

That’s how I have managed to rid myself of lingering emotional pain, which is what I mean when I say I’ve learned how to let shit go.

I am also able to protect myself against new “attacks.” But that’s something I’ll have to explain in some other post. This one has taken me THREE days to complete.

So, dear readers. What do you think? Am I crazy? Am I on the right track?

Another thing I’ve come to realize is that there are lots of people like me out there. Many, if not most, are afraid to talk about stuff like this because it sounds so crazy. I’d really love to know, honestly, what everyone who reads this post thinks about what I’ve said.

January 3, 2020January 3, 2020

Smile Inducers

Back in April, a friend or family member anonymously sent me a deck of writing prompts. I never did figure out who that person was or why they decided to send it. Even worse, I also only used it once.

What better time than now to use it again?

WD#2: List 50 things that make you smile.

Mike, aka Hubby, my husband of almost 27 years. We make each other laugh, and laughter is important.
Belle, our 12.5-year-old Brittany. I can’t imagine life without dogs.
Zephyr, Aka Z, our 10.5-year-old dog friend. His mom is an EMT/firefighter/paramedic in training who works long, rotating shifts. Z hangs out at our house while Mom is busy doing her hero gig.
Frogs. I still haven’t figured out why they make me smile, but they do.
Snowmen. How often do you see a snowman that looks sad?
Muffler Men. Although, having just watched the movie, It, Chapter Two, I may never look at Muffler Men the same way again. There’s a great scene in the movie where a Paul Bunyan Muffler Man comes to life and tries to eat someone. If you haven’t watched that movie yet, you should. No one does horror stories quite like Steven King.
Fun PJs. I’ve never been one for fru-fru nightgowns or lingerie. I’d much rather sleep in an over-sized t-shirt than some sort of frilly, uncomfortable get-up.
Cute slippers or slipper socks. My feet get hot, so I go barefoot most of the year. But when temperatures plummet, goofy footwear is the way to go. For me, anyway.
Unexpected mail or packages. I really should get back on my send-real-mail bandwagon. Who doesn’t like receiving surprising snail mail from a friend?
Succulent plants. They can be quite small, require very little water, and, as a result, are pretty forgiving as plants go. If you have a brown thumb, or just can’t remember to water your plants regularly, get a succulent.
Road trips. Even the idea of a road trip, well-planned or not.
Clever photos.
Dogs in snow boots. They seem frivolous, but are handy when walking dogs in the winter after a snowstorm.
Chocolate cake with peanut butter icing.
Barn quilts
Baby goats
Someone spontaneously busting out in song, in public (it usually means that particular person is happy, even if for a brief moment)
A good pun, intended or not.
Turtles
The Birdcage (my favorite Robin Williams movie)
Seeing someone else smiling (smiles can be just as contagious as yawns)
A good joke
Finding money, especially paper banknotes.
Solving a psychological puzzle/mental mystery (why people do what they do, when they do it).
Hedgehogs
Shannon, Amy, and Eric (our kids), all of whom have a pretty good sense of humor.
TJ, our first our son-in-law (Amy’s husband)
Chris, our second son-in-law (Shannon’s husband)
Brianna, Gaige, and Joseph, our grandkids.
Seeing a blue sky and big, puffy, white clouds.
Sunshine on my face.
Kid jokes
Poorly translated product instructions.
Handmade gifts
Little House on the Prairie
PhotoShop disasters
Silly selfies
Kitschy roadside attractions
Creative signage
Riding my motorcycle or driving Mike’s zippy convertible on a curvy mountain road.
Daily memes received via text from a special friend
Finishing a sewing project, big or small.
Puppy pictures
Mipso (my favorite band)
Cows
Snow
Well-behaved children
Creative uses of the ef word
Interesting street art
Logging off my work computer for the day.

That took MUCH longer than I expected! And I’m sure I left off some important stuff. Smiles and laughter are important to have in your life, no matter where their source.

January 2, 2020

Changing Perspective

In years past, the end of December/beginning of January was a time to look back at posts I’d published throughout the year and revisit the big events of the prior twelve months. I did think about doing that this year, but only for about a split second. Because I didn’t share enough on the blog to make that worthwhile. If I had shared enough, the recap would have felt, well, awful.

It was not a good year, that’s for sure. But it wasn’t all bad. It was difficult and even painful at times, but I learned a lot. I made some new friends, and lost some old ones. There wasn’t much motorcycle travel to speak of, but we did enjoy a fabulous, two-week, 25th anniversary trip to Hawaii. And, later in the year, we took an impromptu road trip to Louisiana so I could cross the final three States — Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana — off my list of US states to be visited.

There was also a fun road with a friend in August that was memorable for many reasons, all of which were good.

For me, more than anything, 2019 was a year of transition. I am not the same person who started writing this blog in 2008, almost 12 years ago. I know a lot more about myself than I did then. I know a lot more about the people around me, too.

I’m really torn about whether I should even continue this blog, trash it and start fresh, or just kill the blog, get on with my life in different ways. Some of you who have been following me for awhile may benefit from the lessons I have learned. Some may decide I’ve gone crazy (I’m still trying to figure that one out myself!) and never come back. Maybe, the whole idea will just fizzle and go away.

Decisions, decisions…

Life is tough, that’s for sure, but things could always be worse. I am blessed in so many ways. Compared to other folks, I have nothing to complain about. Rather than try to chronologically re-hash everything that happened last year, I’m going to try a new approach. It’s an approach I’m trying hard to apply to life in general.

Take each day as it comes. Enjoy each day for what it is. Learn from my mistakes. Celebrate my successes. Share my journey, for better or worse, openly and honestly.

I think that’s one of the reasons this blog sort of lost it’s appeal to me. Over the years, it became a censored version of what went on in my life. I shared the high points, but ignored or glossed over the low ones.

This year, 2020, is a good time to start fresh. It may not be pretty. There will be ugliness. I’ll curse a lot more than I did here in the past. You’ll actually get to see the real me. For better or worse and all that jazz.

Me and Mike, captured on 1 January 2020.

I am not sure what this blog will become. It might just fizzle out and die. We shall see.

The most-important lesson I learned this past year is how to let shit go. Really. Guilt is a powerful thing. It has ruled my life in many ways. It took 52 years for me to realize that the burden of guilt is something I have put on myself.

Fuck guilt. In 2020, I am going to do what I need to do to take care of myself. To do that, I need to care less about what others think about me. I need to do what I know is right. Focus on what I believe is important. Embrace all of the lessons I have learned, good and bad, and move on.

We have each been put on this Earth for a reason. We each have our own path to take. We will all reach the end one day. It could be this year, or it could be many years from now. There really is no way to know. So we might as well just do whatever we need to do to enjoy our own journey.

July 14, 2019

Molokai Halawa Beach

When planning our trip to Hawaii, I read about Molokai’s Halawa Valley several times. It’s located at the eastern tip of Molokai. At some point, I even watched a video about the people who function as caretakers of the area. There are a couple of waterfalls to be seen, but they are on private property, so you either need to secure permission from the landowner to go there alone or join a guided two-mile hike, which would include information about the culture, history, geology, etc.

It probably would’ve been very interesting, but I’m not a huge fan of guided tours. I also knew chances would be very slim that both of us would feel energetic enough to do a hike. That vacation was all about relaxation. I’m sure the waterfalls would have been gorgeous, but what I really wanted to see was the black sand of Halawa Beach, located near the entrance to the Halawa Valley. Hubby was perfectly happy being led around the island, seeing what I deemed interesting and/or doable.

If you want to read more about the area, here’s a link. That website describes the drive from the airport to Halawa as “…an adventure in itself. You’ll pass by Hawaiian Fishponds, points of interest like Kumimi Beach (also known as “20 Mile Marker”), Kaluaaha Church (Molokai’s first Christian church built in 1833), Halawa Beach Park, and Halawa Bay.” It really was a pretty and interesting drive.

In all, it took us about two hours to get from our cottage on the western end of the island to the Halawa Beach Park, which the same GoHawaii.com site described as…

“Halawa Beach Park has two swimming beaches, called Kaili and Kaiwili, located in Halawa Bay along Molokai’s eastern shore. During summer the water is usually very nice, though the beach should be avoided during times of high surf or rough water, especially during the winter months (October – March).”

Some stuff I’d read said the locals were not always welcoming to visitors. Having been there, I can now understand why. It was off the beaten path, quiet, peaceful. It was definitely a place where it felt like one could go to get away from it all. And when you live in a place like Hawaii, which draws people from all walks of life to catch their own glimpse of paradise, peaceful spots are not always easy to come by.

Of the four islands we visited, Molokai was definitely the least touristy, but people do still visit. And, unfortunately, not all outsiders are considerate of others. There was a small tour van in the parking lot, but, other than us, it was mostly locals hanging out, enjoying the park. Rather than take offense at local attitudes, we respected their place. We didn’t experience any hostility, but the park definitely had a locals-only feel, so we didn’t linger too long.

There were plenty of places to pull off if we’d wanted to stop for a swim. The southern side of the island is much more swimmable than the more-exposed western end.

That cove and the water near the outcrop pictured below would have been great places to snorkel.

Road on southern side of Molokai, heading east.

The road literally hugged the coast at one point.

The road along the southern coast eventually petered out and cut north to head up and over the eastern tip of the island. It was cool to see the northwestern shore of Maui across the water.

Narrow, winding road through the forest.

Wild, beautiful, and remote eastern end of Molokai.

It was a fun drive. I really had no idea what to expect when we reached the beach park.

The entrance was definitely not what I had pictured.

Very unlike any beach entrance I’d ever seen.

Not that I’d had any real, solid, preconceived notion of what it might look like. It just didn’t look real beachy. Until we got a little further into the park and its small parking area.

The Halawa river or creek empties into the ocean at Halawa Bay.

Not a bad place to sit and relax, eh? Too bad we didn’t have chairs with us.

The dark rocks and black sand sure made it look different.

We could have lingered longer, but we were both getting hungry. Thirsty, too. So we decided to head west, back toward civilization, to see what sort of interesting place we could find to eat. We settled on Hiro’s Ohana Grill at the lovely Hotel Molokai. We arrived between lunch and dinner, so there weren’t many people there. We had to settle for pub fare instead of full meals, but the selection of appetizers we chose to she were delicious. The beer was cold and refreshing, too.

L-R, Ahi Tuna Poke, Spring Rolls(?), and Fried Wontons

I usually prefer my fish cooked, but that was delicious.

It was a lovely way to end our excursion to Hanawa Beach.

The grounds at the Hotel Molokai were lovely.

I found the video embedded below on Hiro’s website. There were no luau dancers there during our visit. It was such a lovely spot, we even went back a day or so later for our final dinner on Molokai.

The hotel seems like it would have been a lovely place to stay. It was quiet, but not nearly as people-free as our cottage on the western shore. The hotel is far closer to swimming and snorkeling options, as well as the town of Kaunakakai, but I’m still glad we stayed at our cottage. The “wilder” beaches there were part of what made our stay on the island so peaceful and magical.

All in all, if we ever return to Hawaii, I would certainly not be opposed to visiting Molokai again, time permitting. I think you really need to spend several days on the island to appreciate its beauty.

There’s not much to do there compared to Oahu, Maui, and the Big Island, so if you’re someone who needs a huge variety of fancy restaurants, shops, tours, and other organized activities to entertain you and/or your significant other or family, it may not be the place for you. But if you are, like me, content to just wander around, soaking in the amazing natural beauty of a place, Molokai is really an amazing place.

July 11, 2019

Molokai Papohaku Beach

It seems so long ago that we were actually in Hawaii, I’m almost embarrassed to post any more vacation pics. But I took so many. LOL. AND, how can I stop chronicling the adventure when I’m only about halfway through?

When planning the trip, one of the reasons I selected that particular cottage on Molokai was its proximity to a big beach that’s often deserted. Never mind the fact that the surf is too rough for swimming. The thought of having a three-mile stretch of beach all to ourselves was pretty enticing.

It was close enough that we could have walked to get there, but we decided to drive.

We’d actually seen the park from the road the day we arrived. When driving to the cottage for the first time, we’d missed our turn. I only realized we’d gone too far when I saw the sign for the beach park.

So, when we finally rustled-up enough gumption to actually leave the resort property about three days into our stay, we drove over to the park to see the big beach.

It was amazing.

It really was just as big, beautiful, and deserted as had been described.

Like the beaches closer to our cottage, there were some very rocky stretches, but there were also a lot of sandy areas.

The sand actually seemed to have a slightly more-reddish cast to it.

We walked a bit. Gawked a bit. Sat and pondered life for a bit. And I took far too many pics of the water.

It was perfect. Not too hot. Quiet. Unpopulated.

The water was completely mesmerizing for me.

It really was a special place. Not just Papohaku Beach Park, Molokai in general.

So many interesting colors and textures. With a constant soundtrack of crashing surf, waves retreating over sand, songbirds singing… it really was paradise.

And, to that point, we’d still only seen very small pieces of the island.

The next day, we actually drove to the other end of the island to see an extra-special beach I’d seen described in some of the literature. We finally got to see a black-sand beach up close with our own eyes.