Category: Writing (with Wordsmith Deck)

Over the past several years, I have really come to believe there aren’t any coincidences in life. The things we experience are a result of the choices we make. Our choices define our path. Our path determines who we interact with. There will always be setbacks and obstacles to overcome, challenging the heart, body, and/or mind. Lucky for me, most of my challenges have been mental. I have had a few physical ones, too, but even those came with myriad emotions, thoughts, and fears that needed to be dealt with. Figuring out how to handle the various obstacles and detours life throws at us is part of the reason each and every one of us were placed on this Earth in the first place.

Life is all about lessons.

I have learned a lot in recent years, about myself and about the people who surround me. I’ve always known, deep down, that I was put on this Earth for a reason. I have yet to fully figure out what that reason is, but I do think I am on the right path or, at the very least, headed in the right direction.

It hasn’t always been easy. But I have learned from both my mistakes and my successes. One of the year’s most important lessons for me is admitting there are many things over which I have little or no control. Worrying about things to come accomplishes nothing. Harboring negative emotions about past events is just as bad, if not worse.

On the surface, those are very simple truths. But it’s hard not to worry. It can really be difficult to let go of old grudges. To forgive folks for what they have done to you. To stop caring about what other people think and let go of guilt.

Anxiety and depression are simple labels society has put on very complex and personal/individual emotional states. I know a lot of people who deal with anxiety and/or depression. One is almost always associated with the other, and both are usually the result of having experienced some sort of physical or emotional pain.

Which brings me to today’s writing prompt…

WD#3: Where are you still carrying old pain? How can you let it go?

I’m not carrying much old pain. I know how damaging it can be to linger on the past and have learned how to let shit go. Not all of it, but most of it. Some pain is easier to dismiss than others, some harder, and the cleansing process is exhausting.

I think and think and think about stuff all of the time. My mind is always racing. By thinking, I don’t mean puzzling, or carefully considering, or even mulling stuff over. That all sounds far too relaxing. The type of thinking I experience is far more frantic, frenzied, even chaotic. I do not do it intentionally, it just happens. My thoughts are less like a continuous stream of consciousness and more like brief, intermittent, invisible storms.

Processing all of that activity requires a LOT of mental energy. It’s exhausting, really. I know this, but I can’t stop it. That’s just how my brain works. I’m an analyzer. I like to figure weird shit out, usually covertly. In other words, I’m an observer. I take stuff in, consider it from many different angles, until I figure out why things are the way that they are. Why a person acts a certain way. What could have happened to them in the past that makes them do what they do.

We live in a crazy, beautiful, weird, fucked up, magical place. How can I not think about it? Not worrying, mind you, but wondering how things are related. Why did that happen? Why do I act or react a certain way?

The whole process has increased my level of self-awareness tremendously. I now understand more about myself and those around me more than I ever have.

The most important and simultaneously disconcerting thing I have learned is that I can physically feel negative energy. I’m pretty sure I’ve always had that ability, I just never recognized the phenomenon for what it was. Now that I am aware of that ability, which more often than not feels like a curse, I can act and react appropriately.

It sounds crazy, I know. Crazy as in some real wackadoodie kind of shit. So crazy, I hesitate to even admit or try to explain it to others for fear that I’ll be labeled completely insane. But I know it’s real. Knowing it’s real means that when I feel negativity from others, or feel the affect my own negative thoughts, emotions, and memories have on my body, I can act accordingly.

That’s how I have managed to rid myself of lingering emotional pain, which is what I mean when I say I’ve learned how to let shit go.

I am also able to protect myself against new “attacks.” But that’s something I’ll have to explain in some other post. This one has taken me THREE days to complete.

So, dear readers. What do you think? Am I crazy? Am I on the right track?

Another thing I’ve come to realize is that there are lots of people like me out there. Many, if not most, are afraid to talk about stuff like this because it sounds so crazy. I’d really love to know, honestly, what everyone who reads this post thinks about what I’ve said.

Back in April, a friend or family member anonymously sent me a deck of writing prompts. I never did figure out who that person was or why they decided to send it. Even worse, I also only used it once. 

What better time than now to use it again?

WD#2: List 50 things that make you smile.

1. Mike, aka Hubby, my husband of almost 27 years. We make each other laugh, and laughter is important.
2. Belle, our 12.5-year-old Brittany. I can’t imagine life without dogs.
3. Zephyr, Aka Z, our 10.5-year-old dog friend. His mom is an EMT/firefighter/paramedic in training who works long, rotating shifts. Z hangs out at our house while Mom is busy doing her hero gig.
4. Frogs. I still haven’t figured out why they make me smile, but they do.
5. Snowmen. How often do you see a snowman that looks sad?
6. Muffler Men. Although, having just watched the movie, It, Chapter Two, I may never look at Muffler Men the same way again. There’s a great scene in the movie where a Paul Bunyan Muffler Man comes to life and tries to eat someone. If you haven’t watched that movie yet, you should. No one does horror stories quite like Steven King.
7. Fun PJs. I’ve never been one for fru-fru nightgowns or lingerie. I’d much rather sleep in an over-sized t-shirt than some sort of frilly, uncomfortable get-up.
8. Cute slippers or slipper socks. My feet get hot, so I go barefoot most of the year. But when temperatures plummet, goofy footwear is the way to go. For me, anyway.
9. Unexpected mail or packages. I really should get back on my send-real-mail bandwagon. Who doesn’t like receiving surprising snail mail from a friend?
10. Succulent plants. They can be quite small, require very little water, and, as a result, are pretty forgiving as plants go. If you have a brown thumb, or just can’t remember to water your plants regularly, get a succulent.
11. Road trips. Even the idea of a road trip, well-planned or not.
12. Clever photos.
13. Dogs in snow boots. They seem frivolous, but are handy when walking dogs in the winter after a snowstorm.
14. Chocolate cake with peanut butter icing.
15. Barn quilts
16. Baby goats
17. Someone spontaneously busting out in song, in public (it usually means that particular person is happy, even if for a brief moment)
18. A good pun, intended or not.
19. Turtles
20. The Birdcage (my favorite Robin Williams movie)
21. Seeing someone else smiling (smiles can be just as contagious as yawns)
22. A good joke
23. Finding money, especially paper banknotes.
24. Solving a psychological puzzle/mental mystery (why people do what they do, when they do it).
25. Hedgehogs
26. Shannon, Amy, and Eric (our kids), all of whom have a pretty good sense of humor.
27. TJ, our first our son-in-law (Amy’s husband)
28. Chris, our second son-in-law (Shannon’s husband)
29. Brianna, Gaige, and Joseph, our grandkids.
30. Seeing a blue sky and big, puffy, white clouds.
31. Sunshine on my face.
32. Kid jokes
33. Poorly translated product instructions.
34. Handmade gifts
35. Little House on the Prairie
36. PhotoShop disasters
37. Silly selfies
38. Kitschy roadside attractions
39. Creative signage
40. Riding my motorcycle or driving Mike’s zippy convertible on a curvy mountain road.
41. Daily memes received via text from a special friend
42. Finishing a sewing project, big or small.
43. Puppy pictures
44. Mipso (my favorite band)
45. Cows
46. Snow
47. Well-behaved children
48. Creative uses of the ef word
49. Interesting street art
50. Logging off my work computer for the day.

That took MUCH longer than I expected! And I’m sure I left off some important stuff. Smiles and laughter are important to have in your life, no matter where their source.

WD#1: What do you want your legacy to be?

There are a lot of words in the English language that have multiple meanings. I can’t imagine being an adult non-native English speaker and having to learn the language. Take “legacy” as an example. It typically refers to property or money one leaves behind when they die. That wasn’t the first interpretation that came to my mind, however, when I read today’s writing prompt. I read that question more as asking what people will remember about me once I’m gone.

The truth is, I have not really given much thought to how I will be remembered after death. Some, yes. But definitely not much. Now that I am forced into thinking about it by the first random card drawn from that mysterious Wordsmith Deck mentioned in yesterday’s post, I am not coming up with anything particularly monumental.

I can’t say there is any one thing for which I want to be remembered. I’m good at a lot of stuff, but not an expert at anything. I’ve played a variety of sports, dabbled in many hobbies, joined a social club or two, but no one significant thing stands out to me. What comes to my mind first is not a thing people will associate with memories of me, but a feeling.

I try to live life as a good, kind person, but I am certainly no saint. I like to think I did an okay job as a parent, but know I could have done better. The kids all turned out just fine, but, looking back, I know I could have been stricter, more doting, a better teacher, more patient, less-driven to fit society’s mold, etc. I try to be a good friend, but even that has its challenges. I do think of myself as a hard worker, but being remembered only for the quality of one’s job performance feels sort of shallow and sad.

Once my body is dead and my soul has moved on to wherever or whenever it is  that souls go, I would like people to smile if they think about me. Smiles are powerful things. Real smiles, not the fake, forced variety. I want to be remembered with the kind of smile that steals across one’s face without thought when remembering something I did or said during the course of this life. Humor really is some of the best medicine ever, and a genuine smile can be a fierce weapon. Especially now, as this crazy world of ours starts spiraling more quickly and closer down into chaos. If every single person made a conscious effort just to smile more, the world would be a much brighter place.

Really. Try it. If you or someone you know is having a really crappy day, if you feel anger, resentment, jealously, or even hatred boiling to the surface, smile. It may seem simple, as in stupid, but it works. When things get really bad, the mere physical act of smiling can seem so ridiculous, one can’t help but smile as a result. And even if you only feel the least little bit better as a result, better is a good thing.