Profane? Yep. Funny? Damn right!

21 May

As most of my readers know, I try to keep the language here pretty clean. It’s a respect thing. My moms read this Blog, you know.

Now, I’m not saying they don’t ever use foul language. But they’re from a generation where certain words just weren’t spoken in public. They weren’t used or even alluded to on TV. Unlike today, when even on network TV you’ll hear stuff like “no frickin’ (or maybe friggin) way.” It’s sort of interesting, really, to think about the progression of permission with such language in our society…

This is not a boring evolution-of-the-English-language post, I swear. That was just my way of leading into this warning…

IF OBSCENITY OFFENDS YOU, STOP READING NOW.

Now don’t say I didn’t warn you, okay?

These aren’t my words that follow. They are the words of Adam, aka Sleep Talkin’ Man, a mild-mannered British guy who lives quite a colorful existence in his sleep. His wife used to just scribble down his nighttime rants to share with friends. Then she started sharing them via Blog. It wasn’t long before people, media people, took notice. Their popularity grew. So did the number of people who swear she is making all of this stuff up. So they decided to post audio snippets. Their Blog has become wildly popular. They even have a line of Sleep Talkin’ Man merchandise. Some have suggested they post video clips, to better prove that it’s all real. But that would just be way too personal, too weird. Karen (the wife) and Adam are of the opinion that if you don’t believe their stuff is real, don’t read it.

They’re right, too. Besides, this stuff is WAY too funny, and weird, to have been fabricated. In my opinion. It’s just dry British humour at its best, if you ask me.

To avoid the coarseness, you might want to stop reading this post NOW, if you haven’t already. And don’t even think about visiting their Blog. Just know, however, that you’ll miss out on stuff like this (all of the following were borrowed as examples from the Sleep Talkin’ Man blog)…

“Your blue sky thinking is blighted with dark clouds of piss-poor ideas.”

“They’re not love handles. No. I’ve got love impact protection barriers.”

“You wanted to be WHAT when you grow up? Boy, you must be SO disappointed the way your life turned out. So sad.”

“What the fuck’s wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you’re smiling, warn me.”

“Your face reminds me of a roadkill’s arsehole. Certainly not on my list of things to kiss.”

“Going to husband school. Yeah. Always having to do better. The teacher’s a bitch and there’s no chance of graduating.”

“When it comes to being told what to do, I tell, you do. Got that, dickhead? Nice.”

“You really are life’s wet patch. An embarrassing little stain that no one wants to admit to…. or sleep on.”

“Your job is to be ignored. Nobody’s to acknowledge you whatsoever. You should be good at that.”

“Ugh. Today couldn’t have got any worse. And then you come skipping into frame. A son of a bitch. Arsehole.”

“It’s growling. Shhh, it’s growling closer… It’s an angry thing, a big angry thing. It likes cabbage, though… I can’t stop it growling! Shhh… You’re not much fucking help.”

Anyway… I could keep posting because this stuff just cracks me up. Perhaps I am warped, too.

If any of these sayings offended you, you DEFINITELY don’t want to visit the STM Blog. If, however, you just like words and are completely impressed by the creative ways they are sometimes strung together, go there now and bookmark it.

2 thoughts on “Profane? Yep. Funny? Damn right!

  1. But if you did want to do a boring evolution-of-the-English-language post, I’d totally read it because I LOVE that stuff. 🙂

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